Our Party PrinciPLES (O.P.P.)

While other parties debate GDP, foreign policy, and fiscal cliffs, the Leisure Independence Party recognizes the true drivers of national prosperity: a stocked cooler, guilt-free vacations, and the right to a long Sunday brunch unthreatened by an 8 a.m. meeting on Monday.

Our platform is simple: every citizen deserves access to a grill, to genuine time off, to fewer arguments at dinner tables, and to happy hours that are truly happy and not fueled by despair.

We believe that health care matters—but so do sun care, pool care, and hair care.

We affirm every citizen’s right to choose leisurewear appropriate to climate and mood, including aloha shorts, cargo shorts, rompers, and muumuus. This right does not, however, extend to the wearing of sandals with socks, Birkenstocks, or Croc-style footwear under any circumstance.

We further reject the absurd marketing classification of certain women’s clothing as “Career Wear,” a term that implies polyester pantsuits require a LinkedIn profile and was invented to convince women their outfits must also demonstrate productivity. The Career Wear Industrial Complex must be dismantled.

As the other parties argue about space lasers, U.N. escalators that suddenly became stairs, and reusable-straw mandates, we remain committed to ensuring that the pursuit of leisure remains accessible to all.

Now, the choice is yours: Are you down with O.P.P.?

Otium Pro Populo! (Leisure for All!)